Drinking Ain’t What It Used to Be: The De-Inebriation of Society with Its Dishonorable Alcoholics and Their Partiality towards Substandard Drinks

What are you doing right now?  Seriously, think about it, what exactly are you doing?

Let’s go through it together: You’re on your computer/phone/tablet. You’re using the Internet.  And, you’re searching for Como.

Real cool, bro, get in line…

I think we can all agree that “get in line” was absolutely not the right phrase for the above sentence, but don’t rule queuing up out of the question.  Mike, TJ, and I have spent many hours building up this site with bandwidths upon bandwidths of exclusivity, so if we want you guys to wait out in the cold for a few hours before even catching a glimpse of Como, y’all better not complain.

This making sense?  I mean, it shouldn’t, but back to my point from before: if you’re going to be searching for Como, you better have had as many gin and tonics as I’ve had before starting this explorative writing regarding society’s repulsion towards boozers and the damaging effects this has had for all of us, drinkers and teetotalers alike.  Speaking of “starting this,” let’s get to it.

Okay, so for all our returning devotees, by now, you know all about initiating orgies, calculatedly slaying poon, and communicating with girls afflicted by some degree of daddy issues.  For those unfamiliar with these Como-specific topics, please immediately read our earlier blogs and listen to all our podcasts so that you’re caught up to speed. Continue reading

Papa Don’t Preach: Daddy Issues for Dummies

Chris Rock said it best, “They don’t grade fathers, but if your daughter’s a stripper, you fucked up!” I could easily end this blog post on that note, but I’m feeling really jacked right now so I’ll keep the ball rolling.

How much do you know about daddy issues? I’m going to guess you know less than I do, since I’ll be able to impart you with proven research and up-to-date comprehensive analysis that only someone with accelerated knowledge of the topic can provide. To help out daddy issues victims, offenders, and general enthusiasts, I have compiled a checklist that can help any old schmuck identify daddy issue signs before getting too involved, in the hopes of preventing a dreaded altercation later on.

1.) Is she in need of constant recognition, approval, and or love?

2.) In five years has she been single for less than a month?

3.) Does she have a lot of guy friends, denounces befriending other women, or just acts like one of the guys?

4.) Is she generally fucking crazy?

5.) Does she find stripper poles and clear heel platforms appealing? Continue reading

Like, He’s So Mysterious… I Think I Wanna Bang Him.

Mystery, my Comosapiens, is the key to success, happiness, and eventual coitus. Not everyone has the ability to be mysterious, though, which leaves the unfortunate ones to live a life full of transparency, truthfulness, and the subsequent shame that comes with being “easy to read.” I’ve swooned many women and broken even more hearts, and I owe it all to my enigmatic personality. I have been given awards and job offers for talents and qualifications I simply do not possess. The three members of Como have pulled more tail than slow kids at the petting zoo, and we owe it all to our mystique that comes from mystery.

Don’t believe the bullshit that people will create as propaganda against mysterious people who say things like, “Oh he’s just mysterious to hide the fact he’s shy” or, “this whole mystery thing is getting boring and old” because you know it isn’t. You are just jealous. At any rate, I have compiled a list of easy suggestions and tips to help you become more successful. Here are my top six tips. “Why six?” because you gotta keep ’em guessing. Continue reading