Peeping Tom or: How I Learned to Stop Streaming and Love the Binoculars

People often talk about the “dangers of technology” and how the ever-advancing forms of science, knowledge, and machinery will ultimately doom modern-day society, our youth, and future generations. As an incredibly relevant, yet highly negligible example, please examine the accompanying screenshots, which illustrate how the latest version of Microsoft Word for Mac is dangerous beyond its own competence.

Obviously, this hyphenated or not-hyphenated (not to baby you, but… ironic, right?) dilemma isn’t a huge deal, but, rather, it’s something I needed to point out to further substantiate my point.  And, I fucking love hyphens, so I obviously had to keep “ever-advancing” hy-phen-ated.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that online pornography is incredibly damaging to society and our youth.

No, I don’t think pornography is degrading.  No, I don’t think it promotes abnormal and dangerous sexual behavior.  And, no, I don’t think it represents and encourages misjudgments of morality.

I do, however, think it makes its viewers selfish, lazy, and unmotivated.  In some way or another, you may already agree with this declaration, but allow me to really drive this one home and describe the matter so thoroughly that after you’ve finished reading this article, you’ll be ready to lead a group of mindless picketers through busy city streets screaming for an end of the online distribution of pornography… that is, strictly for the sake of protecting peoples’ sexual creativity and inventiveness, not because of any reasons such as immorality, degradation, or some other nonsense.

Alright, so, let’s dig deeper… Continue reading

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Drinking Ain’t What It Used to Be: The De-Inebriation of Society with Its Dishonorable Alcoholics and Their Partiality towards Substandard Drinks

What are you doing right now?  Seriously, think about it, what exactly are you doing?

Let’s go through it together: You’re on your computer/phone/tablet. You’re using the Internet.  And, you’re searching for Como.

Real cool, bro, get in line…

I think we can all agree that “get in line” was absolutely not the right phrase for the above sentence, but don’t rule queuing up out of the question.  Mike, TJ, and I have spent many hours building up this site with bandwidths upon bandwidths of exclusivity, so if we want you guys to wait out in the cold for a few hours before even catching a glimpse of Como, y’all better not complain.

This making sense?  I mean, it shouldn’t, but back to my point from before: if you’re going to be searching for Como, you better have had as many gin and tonics as I’ve had before starting this explorative writing regarding society’s repulsion towards boozers and the damaging effects this has had for all of us, drinkers and teetotalers alike.  Speaking of “starting this,” let’s get to it.

Okay, so for all our returning devotees, by now, you know all about initiating orgies, calculatedly slaying poon, and communicating with girls afflicted by some degree of daddy issues.  For those unfamiliar with these Como-specific topics, please immediately read our earlier blogs and listen to all our podcasts so that you’re caught up to speed. Continue reading

Hipster-Professionals, Google’s “Project Glass,” and Monsieur Gayno

I’ve spoken personally to nearly all of the hundreds of thousands of you so I know that we are all on the same page on this one…

We don’t like this guy.

Not even a little bit.

But that’s not really my intention in writing this. I write to confess my more intensified disapproval of guys like this:

This guy is just one example of the many conceited, moderately-eco-educated, self-identifying intellects who, when out in adult-type social settings, take delight in breaking eye-contact with their average, “throw-away” dates just to sip on their pomegranate sangrias, as they look down at their outfits and mistakenly admire the style of whoever designed Urban Outfitter’s latest catalogue as that of their own.

This is the same guy who gets off to telling people that he works in a very competitive, creative industry.  The same guy who can’t contain himself as the Whole Foods cashier rings up his groceries, because he knows that as soon as he gets outside he can watch himself drink his coconut water as he walks past the giant row of reflective glass windows that line the store.  The same guy who thinks he’s the wild one Sia is referring to in her featured single “Wild Ones” with Flo Rida, to which this hipster-professional secretly rejoices listening when it ironically sneaks some playtime amongst a playlist of more alternative tracks.

“Now, why Matt, why go after the hipster-professional?” Continue reading

Nostalgia

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since.

“Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”

Sometimes after reading someone else’s second-rate blog or listening to their undistinguished podcast, I become overwhelmed and filled with considerable frustration due to their mediocrity. It’s at this point of irritation when I often reflect on this guidance from my father. Continue reading

Don’t Point at Me, Bro

If you read either of my first two blog posts on here, you’re probably thinking, “what the fuck?”

And, it’s funny you probably thought that, because I definitely thought “what the fuck” earlier today as I was scanning my Facebook news feed. Anyone who’s a fan of the podcast is more than aware of my frustration and complete disdain towards what many people continually post on Facebook. It only takes a few posts about GPA’s, or one or two new car muploads for me to get disgusted by seemingly everyone’s inherent desire to be envied, accomplished, and/or accepted, especially on the Internet. Continue reading

Drama in Comodise

Because of my status as an established podcast personality for the past eight months, along with becoming a distinguished blogger after my first post several days ago, one must expect that my work has brought about an uproar of praise and infinite admiration from both fans and faithfuls, as well as even some of the toughest internet pundits.

It’d be difficult to argue otherwise. But let me explain further: it would, expectedly, be even more difficult to argue otherwise if one were to come to the studio and see the countless presents and extraordinary gifts shipped from our benevolent fans, or even those left by vacationers who have visited to go on our hands-on, in-studio tour. Continue reading

Como Patrons, Noblemen, and Advocates:

For our year or so of existence, we’ve continually promised frequent blog posts and other related writings. I’m not a man of excuses, nor am I some sort of hoaxer, but I feel it is my absolute duty to reach out and testify as to why this promise has been unfulfilled.

TJ, Mike, and I, along with our first-rate collaborators, have submitted innumerable, lengthy blog posts to our producers and financial investors, as per compliance with our creative and distribution agreements. For those unfamiliar with such practices: the posts would’ve gone up on the site after given approval from these benefactors. Continue reading