Independence from Ignorance Day: July 4th, 2012

Don’t try explaining to @kclovesya @LucasDargis or @VanSummers that they are assholes, because they simply won’t understand what you mean. They are the kind of people that lack any basic individualistic capacity, so they lurch onto the nearest source of life and suck the blood dry from the vein of creative integrity and honesty. They lack any basis of originality. They are the kind of people that will hear a joke, and then retell it with false ownership. The worst part is – they are ignorant and misinformed. Let me try to recreate @LucasDargis’ thought process before confidently posting what now makes him look like a complete moron:

@LUCASDARGIS is sitting with his friend @MRYOLO654 in front of an antiquated plasma TV, drinking Natural Ice, watching Fox and Friends.

@MRYOLO654
Hey, Lucas Dargis, look at that there TV, it’s sayin’ Obama’s gonna make our health care system socialist.

@LUCASDARGIS
Damn Obama, that Nazi socialist! I don’t have health insurance and who’s to say I want it? Well, there’s only one place left to go that doesn’t have socialized medicine and care, one place where marijuana is still completely illegal, and the only place that doesn’t have lazy stinkin’ immigrants coming through it like cockroaches.

@MRYOLO654
Where’s that at, Lucas Dargis IV?

@LUCASDARGIS
Canada, of course, the True North Strong and Free!

@MRYOLO654
Preach, Mr. Lucas Dargis! Preach!

@LUCASDARGIS
You know what, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna hop on my Twitter thing, and let the world know how I feel about this here travesty. Everybody gettin’ health care, you gotta be kiddin’ me… Hey looky here, Yolo. The ever entertaining @KCLOVESYA and Twitter’s favorite son, @VANSUMMERS feel the same way. I must be right then about Canada.

@MRYOLO654
You sure are smart, Lucas Dargis.

@LUCASDARGIS
Oh, Yolo, it ain’t me that’s smart, it’s this here interweb. Remember when there was that really really small and insignificant earthquake near Virginia a while back, well I hopped on Facebook and was like the twenty fifth guy from my town alone that announced the news. And when the propaganda about that African dude Kony came out with that video and everything, well guess who was one of many to spread the word? I have the same opinion as everyone else on Casey Anthony, but don’t try and ask me my opinions on the war, or religion, or politics – those get me real heated.

@MRYOLO654
Gosh, you’re the best Senor Lucas Dargis. But what about the latest fires ruining all those poor peoples homes out West, you haven’t commented on them yet?

@LUCASDARGIS
Well if @KCLOVESYA and @VANSUMMERS have nothin’ to say about it, then it must not be very important.

I don’t care what your opinion is on the Affordable Care Act. This blog post is not meant to rouse any useless political punditry from average Americans who get their sociopolitical theories from media analysts and corporations. Neither does the country, apparently, which is why we go through chambers of government instead of letting people like @LUCASDARGIS make crucial national decisions that affect people and policy. Some Americans really think the excuse, “I’m going to Canada” is still a cool way to offer a dissenting opinion on American policy. If you are a smart Comosapien, like I assume all of our readers are, you would know that Canada runs a fairly successful socialized health care system that outperforms ours, marijuana use is only illegal without medical representation, and that Canadians have a high level of immigration; certainly more if @LUCASDARGIS decides to pack up and leave. Some Americans can’t name the three branches of government, and many more can not name all the Supreme Court Justices. I’d agree with your anti-big government dissent if you could give me solid and concrete examples of how to effectively dismember its omnipresence. If your plan begins with grabbing your shotgun from your daughter’s closet, then you’ve already lost me.

A sincere happy 4th of July to all the Comosexuals out there. Stay alert, remain calm, and drudge on.

It’s one thing to know your life belongs to a game that gets played with, it’s another to not know the game exists at all.

Michael Gioia
@mf17gioi

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